Scene 7

Full ScriptsScene 1 | Scene 2 | Scene 3 | Scene 4 | Scene 5 | Scene 6 | Scene 7 | Scene 8

1972 1981 2000 2013
LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! (She does not enter.) Enter… Catherine!

CATHERINE
Sorry! I couldn’t get my eyelash on…

LEADING PLAYER
It’s okay. We’ll just try it again.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! A widow with a small boy and a large estate.

CATHERINE
When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road like a discarded rag. I would have passed him by.
Perhaps I should’ve passed him by.
But there was something about his foot.
Yes… It was the arch of his foot
that caught my eye.
What I did was merely an act of Christian charity. After all, I had no idea that this discarded rag would clean up so well.
There he was
He didn’t know where he was
And he looked so lost and exhausted
You’d almost swear he was dead
So I said:
Pick him up, put him to bed
See that he’s bathed and clothed and fed
As I said, how could I fortell
He’d clean up, oh, so very well
Imagine my surprise
When I raised my eyes
And there he was
The man had obviously lost the will to live. So the first thing I had to do was to get him interested in something… something that would restore his faith in life… something like me. Well, Pippin, I’m sure there are many things you’d like to know about me, aren’t there?

PIPPIN
No.

CATHERINE
Good. My name is Catherine. I’m a widow. I have a son. I own this estate.
I’m your average ordinary kind of woman
Competent and neat
Making life a treat
Others as nice
You meet often I know
At least once or twice
Every decade or so

I’m your everyday, customary kind of woman
Practical as salt
Modest to a fault
Conservative with a budget
Liberal with a meal
Just your average ideal

My telling you this
May seem sudden and strange
It may not interest you much at all right now
But things change
Things change
Still I’ll understand if I’m not your kind of woman
Anyone can make
One terrible mistake
But I’ve no special glamour
No bait I can twirl
For I’m just a plain, everyday
Commonplace, come-what-may
Average, ordinary
wonderful girl!
God, what a challenge. For a long time, he showed no interest in anything. I was determined to somehow pierce that dedicated apathy. Now… I’ve always found that no man… no matter his condition… can resist the charm of a small boy. So, I sent my son Theo to him.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Theo. A small, lovable boy and his large lovable duck.

THEO
Pippin! Pippin! Say hello to my duck.

PIPPIN
How do you do?

THEO
Guess his name.

PIPPIN
Augustus.

THEO
Wrong. His name’s Otto. You’re not very smart.

PIPPIN
I’m smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a bond and not in a bed.

CATHERINE
Obviously hopeless. I had picked him up off the road. I could throw him back out again. Out he goes! I’ll give him another chance. Pippin, you have been lying in this bed for seven days. Now what is the matter with you?

PIPPIN
Well, it’s nothing you could possibly understand.

CATHERINE
Well try me. Give me a chance.

PIPPIN
Alright. You see, I have an overwhelming need to be completely fulfilled and it’s never ever happened to me so I am in abject despair.

CATHERINE
And that’s it?

PIPPIN
Yeah. That’s it.

CATHERINE
You may think that what I did next was scheming, devious. Pippin, let me tell you something about despair. I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise. Well, look at that. I think he’s really moved. Pippin, this is such a large estate. I’m all alone here and I can’t do all this work by myself. Couldn’t you please help me-

PIPPIN
Alright, alright! But just for a little while.

CATHERINE
Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working. And slowly he became a part of everything. Part of our everyday life.

PIPPIN
How often do we do this?

WORKER
Every day.

PIPPIN
Every day?

WORKER
Uh huh.

PIPPIN
Every day. That’s exciting. Did you say something?

CATHERINE
No, no.

PIPPIN
I know that look. That’s the look of a widow with a small boy and a large estate and no one to sit at the head of the table.

CATHERINE
For a while, Pippin didn’t show much enthusiasm for the work. But, as time went on, he showed no enthusiasm at all.

PIPPIN
Keep up the good work boys! Well, what are you looking at?

CATHERINE
Nothing… nothing. Oh, Pippin. There is something. The roof of the chicken house, it’s sprung a leak. If you could get to that tomorrow.

PIPPIN
Wait a minute.

CATHERINE
Or the day after tomorrow.

PIPPIN
The roof on the chick house? I used to be Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. Alright, so I screwed it up. Still…

Patching the roof and pitching the hay
Is not my idea of a perfect day
When you’re extraordinary
You gotta do extraordinary things

I’m not the type who loses sleep
Over the size of the compost heap
When you’re extraordinary
You think about extraordinary thing

That’s the reason I’ll never be
The kind of man who dwells
On how moths got into the tapestry
Or why the Dungeon smells

Oh, it’s hard to feel special, it’s hard to feel big
Feeding the turtle and walking the pig
It’s so secondary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary like me

If the moat won’t stop leaking
And the goat won’t stop shrieking
And the griffin keeps losing its hair
If the west wing is rotting
And our best wine is clotting
Well, I’m terribly sorry but I don’t care

I’ve got to be someone who lives
All of his life in superlatives
When you’re extraordinary
You need to do extraordinary things

The fact that I’m different is easy to see
so why doesn’t anybody know it but me?
I’m extraordinary
I need to do extraordinary things

Every so often a man has a day
He truly can call his
Well, here I am to seize my day
If someone would just tell me when the hell it is

Oh give me my chance, and give me my wings
And don’t make me think about everyday things
They’re unnecessary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary
Like me!

I am! I am extraordinary. I am. That’s it! I’m leaving. I’m’ getting out… tomorrow! Well that’s it boy. I’m getting out of here.

CATHERINE
And then Theo’s duck got sick.

THEO
Pippin… Pippin, Otto is sick.

PIPPIN
That’s too bad, Theo. I’m sorry.

CATHERINE
Pippin, it’s the first time he’s come to you for help.

THEO
Could you look at him. Please.

CATHERINE
Please, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Theo, I don’t know anything about ducks.

CATHERINE
Pippin. Try.

PIPPIN
Oh, alright. Let me have a look at him.

CATHERINE
Now say something hopeful.

PIPPIN
This is a very sick duck. There’s nothing I can do for him. Oh, Theo. Yes there is. Wait a minute. Come here. Come and kneel down here next to me. Right over here.

CATHERINE
It was like a painting. Man and boy at prayer.

PIPPIN
God, I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but this boy loves this duck.
His breath has ebbed, his pulse is low
His feet are webbed, but even so
You must know
That although our tears are poised to burst
We’ve kept our faith warm through the worst
We haven’t cursed our luck or run amuck
To prayer we’ve stuck
Please reward our pluck
And save this duck

CATHERINE
They prayed all day. And then, just after sunset… The duck died.

PIPPIN
I’m sorry, Theo. Wait a minute, Theo. We can go to the pond and get another duck… Why did the goddam duck have to die?

CATHERINE
Then, an interesting thing happened. Theo plunged himself into monumental despair. While on the other hand, Pippin, that Prince of Despair, dedicated himself to raising the boy’s spirits.

PIPPIN
Theo! Hey, Theo, look, we’re going out to thrash some grain right now and we need another good man. You want to give us a helping hand? Another time maybe…

CATHERINE
But Pippin showed remarkable persistence. When one thing failed he tried another.

PIPPIN
Theo… hey, Theo. Want to be the tallest little boy in the world? Fee fie foe fum. I smell the blood… Here, I made you a pair of stilts. Come on, I’ll help you up. You can be taller… than anybody.

CATHERINE
Well, most men would have given up. But, Pippin, with amazing perseverance tried yet another way.

PIPPIN
Theo, guess what I have for you this time. Now don’t turn around. I’m going to bring it right down to you. Okay, when I count to three you can turn around and look. One, two, three, look!
(PIPPIN has a lamb.)

THEO
That’s not a duck, dummy.

PIPPIN
Did I say it was a duck? Yeah, go on. You were a flop.
(CATHERINE kisses PIPPIN. They attempt to have sex. Oops.)
I’m sorry!

CATHERINE
I’m sorry.

PIPPIN
No, no. It was my fault.

CATHERINE
It was my fault. It’s been a long time for me.

PIPPIN
No, no. I just forgot. Oh, you know what I think?

CATHERINE
Yes.

PIPPIN
It’ll be better.

CATHERINE
Next time?

PIPPIN
Next time.
(They attempt to have sex. Success!)

LEADING PLAYER
Listen, I think we’re gonna skip part of this. Nothing much happens. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. A whole lot of that. But the season changed as it always does, and the days were filled with those everyday things. Seeds to e sown, fences to be mended, and finally, of course, a love song to be sung.

PIPPIN
Sitting on the floor and talking till dawn

CATHERINE
Candles and confidences

PIPPIN
Trading old beliefs and humming old songs

CATHERINE
And lowering old defenses

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la

PIPPIN
Private little jokes and silly pet names

CATHERINE
Lavender soap and lotions

PIPPIN
All of the cliches and all of the games

CATHERINE
And all of the strange emotions

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

PIPPIN
They say the whole is greater

BOTH
Than the sum of the parts it’s made of

PIPPIN
Well if it’s true of anything

BOTH
It’s true of love

PIPPIN
‘Cause how can you define a look or a touch?

CATHERINE
How can you weigh a feeling?

PIPPIN
Taken by themselves now they don’t mean much

BOTH
Together they send you reeling

PIPPIN
Into a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

CATHERINE
Close your eyes.

PIPPIN
Why?

CATHERINE
Because we’ve got a surprise for you.

THEO
We’ve got a surprise!

CATHERINE AND THEO
We’ve got a surprise!

CATHERINE
Keep your eyes closed, Pippin. Now no peaking!

PIPPIN
I usually don’t like surprises.

CATHERINE
Well you’re gonna like this one.

PIPPIN
Can I open my eyes yet?

CATHERINE
Yes, now you can. Quince pudding flambe! Oh, I haven’ made it for years, but I thought that for this special occasion.

PIPPIN
What special occasion?

CATHERINE
Well, sixth months ago today, you arrived here. So Theo and I thought that we would celebrate with a little party. So I made this and Theo made you a flute.

THEO
Here.

PIPPIN
Oh, Theo. It’s beautiful. Thank you. I don’t know what to say.

CATHERINE
Well, let me say something then. In the six months that you’ve been with us, you’ve come to mean a great deal to me, to us, to our very ordinary lives. So, I just want to say for me… for Thoe. We’re glad you’re here. And now, well, now we have so many good years ahead of us… Well, isn’t anybody going to eat my pudding?

THEO
I am!

PIPPIN
I’ve got to get out of here.

CATHERINE
Pippin, what’s the matter?

PIPPIN
I just can’t stay here?

CATHERINE
I don’t understand.

PIPPIN
I’ve got to go.

CATHERINE
Why?

PIPPIN
Because this is not enough. Life is more than ducks that die, and leaking roofs, and flaming quince pudding!

CATHERINE
Are you sure?

PIPPIN
Yes. I’m sure. And I’m not gonna be stuck doing the same damn thing every day.

CATHERINE
And night?

PIPPIN
Don’t you see there has to be something more than this? There has to be.

CATHERINE
Maye there isn’t anymore.

PIPPIN
I know there is.
Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I’ve got to be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find…

CATHERINE
I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise…. Could you hold the light for a minute, please? Thank you.

I guess I’ll miss the man
Explain it if you can
His face was far from fine
But still I’ll miss his face
And wonder if he’s missing mine.

Some days he wouldn’t say
A pleasant word all day
Some days he’d scowl and curse
But there were other days
When he was really even worse
Some men are heroes
Some men outshine the sun
Some men are simple, good men
This man wasn’t one
And I won’t miss his moods
His gloomy solitudes
His blunt abrasive style
But please don’t get me wrong
He was the best to come along
In a long, long while….
And the arch of his foot really was in a class by itself.
(Scene change.)

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! A widow with a son- Where the hell is she? Well get her out here. ENTER CATHERINE!

CATHERINE
I’m sorry! I couldn’t get my eyelash on and then my zipper was stuck and I-

LEADING PLAYER
It’s okay. We’ll just try it again.

CATHERINE
When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road like a discarded rag. I wouldn’t passed him by. Perhaps I should’ve passed him by. But then, there was something about his foot. It was the arch of his foot that caught my eye. What I did was merely an act of Christian charity. Well, Pippin. I’m sure there are many things you’d like to know about me aren’t there?

PIPPIN
No. Nothing at all.

CATHERINE
Good.

Ooo ahh.

PIPPIN
Did you say something?

PLAYERS
Ooo Ahh.

CATHERINE
My name is Catherine. I’m a widow. I have a son. I own this estate.

I’m your average ordinary kind of woman
Competent and neat
Making life a treat
Others as nice
You meet often I know
At least once or twice
Every decade or so

I’m your everyday, customary kind of woman
Practical as salt
Modest to a fault
Conservative with a budget
Liberal with a meal
Just your average ideal

My telling you this
May seem sudden and strange
It may not interest you much at all right now
But things change
Things change
Still I’ll understand if I’m not your kind of woman
Anyone can make
One terrible mistake
But I’ve no special glamour
No bait I can twirl
For I’m just a plain, everyday
Commonplace, come-what-may
Average, ordinary
wonderful girl!

CATHERINE
God, what a challenge. That was my best number.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Theo. A small, lovable boy and his large lovable duck.

THEO
Pippin! Pippin! Say hello to my duck.

PIPPIN
How do you do?

THEO
Guess his name.

PIPPIN
Augustus.

THEO
Wrong. His name’s Otto. You’re not very smart.

PIPPIN
I’m smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a bond and not in a bed.

CATHERINE
Obviously hopeless, rejecting a small lovable boy like that. Well I had picked him up off the road, I could throw him back out again. Out he goes! I’ll give him another chance. Pippin, you have been lying in this bed for seven days. Now what is the matter with you?

PIPPIN
Nothing you could possibly understand.

CATHERINE
Well try me. Give me a chance. Please. Pippin, please.

PIPPIN
Oh alright. I have this overwhelming need to be completely fulfilled and it has never ever happened and so I’m in abject despair.

CATHERINE
And that’s it?

PIPPIN
Yeah. That’s it.

CATHERINE
Oh my. Pippin, this is such a large estate and I’m all alone here and I couldn’t possibly do all this work by myself. Couldn’t you please help me-

LEADING PLAYER
Hold it! Hold it! Jesus! Actresses. Look you’re supposed to read the line naggingly.

CATHERINE
But he touched my hand. They don’t usually do that.

LEADING PLAYER
I don’t care where he puts his hand. Read the line naggingly.

CATHERINE
Naggingly. Pippin, this is such a large estate and I’m all alone here and I couldn’t possibly do all this work by myself. Now, can’t you please help me-

PIPPIN
Alright, alright! Anything to shut you up. But only for a little while.

CATHERINE
Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working. And slowly he became a part of everything. Part of our everyday life.

PIPPIN
How often do we do this?

WORKER
Every day.

PIPPIN
Every day?

WORKER
Uh huh.

PIPPIN
Did you say something?

CATHERINE
No.

PIPPIN
I know that look. That’s the look of a widow with a small boy and a large estate and no one to sit at the head of the table.

CATHERINE
Now, for a while, Pippin didn’t show much enthusiasm for the work. But, as time went on, he showed no enthusiasm at all.

PIPPIN
Keep up the good work guys! What are you staring at?

CATHERINE
Oh, nothing. Nothing. Oh, Pippin. There is something. The roof of the chicken house has sprung a leak. If you could get to that tomorrow.

PIPPIN
Wait a minute.

CATHERINE
Or the day after.

PIPPIN
Wait I- The roof on the chick house has sprung a leak. I used to be Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. Alright, so I screwed it up.

Patching the roof and pitching the hay
Is not my idea of a perfect day
When you’re extraordinary
You gotta do extraordinary things

Oh, it’s hard to feel special, it’s hard to feel big
Feeding the turtle and walking the pig
It’s so secondary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary like me

If the moat won’t stop leaking
And the goat won’t stop shrieking
And the griffin keeps losing its hair
If the west wing is rotting
And our best wine is clotting
Well, I’m terribly sorry but I don’t care

I’ve got to be someone who lives
All of his life in superlatives
When you’re extraordinary
You need to do extraordinary things

The fact that I’m different is easy to see
so why doesn’t anybody know it but me?
I’m extraordinary
I need to do extraordinary things

Every so often a man has a day
He truly can call his
Well, here I am to seize my day
If someone would just tell me when the hell it is

Oh give me my chance, and give me my wings
And don’t make me think about everyday things
They’re unnecessary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary
Like me!

I am! I am. I think I am extraordinary. Well that’s it boy. I’m getting out of here.
(CATHERINE kisses PIPPIN. They attempt to have sex. Oops.)
I’m sorry!

CATHERINE
No. I’m sorry.

PIPPIN
It was my fault.

CATHERINE
No, it was my fault. It’s been such a long time for me.

PIPPIN
I just forgot. Oh, you know what I think?

CATHERINE
Yes.

PIPPIN
It’ll be better.

CATHERINE
Next time?

PIPPIN
Next time.
(They attempt to have sex. Success!)

LEADING PLAYER
I think we’re gonna skip part of this. Nothing much happens. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. A whole lot of that. But the seasons change as they always do. Pages fell off the calendar and blew away off the calendar. And then it happened. Shamelessly and without warning. As it must in all musical comedies, they were struck by a love song.

PIPPIN
Sitting on the floor and talking till dawn

CATHERINE
Candles and confidences

PIPPIN
Trading old beliefs and humming old songs

CATHERINE
And lowering old defenses

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la

PIPPIN
Private little jokes and silly pet names

CATHERINE
Lavender soap and lotions

PIPPIN
All of the cliches and all of the games

CATHERINE
And all of the strange emotions

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

PIPPIN
They say the whole is greater

BOTH
Than the sum of the parts it’s made of

PIPPIN
Well if it’s true of anything

BOTH
It’s true of love

PIPPIN
‘Cause how can you define a look or a touch?

CATHERINE
How can you weigh a feeling?

PIPPIN
Taken by themselves now they don’t mean much

BOTH
Together they send you reeling

PIPPIN
Into a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

CATHERINE
Close your eyes.

PIPPIN
Why?

CATHERINE
Because we’ve got a surprise for you.

THEO
Surprise! Surprise! We’ve got a surprise!

CATHERINE
We’ve got a surprise!

PIPPIN
A surprise?

CATHERINE
Now, Pippin. Keep your eyes close and no peaking!

PIPPIN
I usually don’t like surprises.

CATHERINE
Well you’re gonna like this one. Now pippin you sit here.

PIPPIN
Can I open my eyes yet?

CATHERINE
No, not yet… Okay. Now you can. Tada. Quince pudding flambe.

PIPPIN
I don’t know what to say.

CATHERINE
Well, let me say something then. In the six months that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flown under the dam.

LEADING PLAYER
Over the dam. Water flows over the dam.

CATHERINE
I’m sorry. I seem to be a little bit confused.

LEADING PLAYER
Oh, yeah. I can see that. You try sticking to the part.

CATHERINE
I will. I will. In the six months that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flown over the dam. And in that six months, you’ve come to mean a great deal to me, to us. And now Pippin, and now, we have so many good years ahead of us. Oh Pippin, sit here. Sit here. Right at the head of the table. Isn’t this wonderful? Well, isn’t anybody going to eat my pudding?

THEO
I am!

CATHERINE
Good!

PIPPIN
I gotta get out of here.

CATHERINE
Pippin, what’s the matter?

PIPPIN
I just can’t stay here?

CATHERINE
I don’t understand.

PIPPIN
Because I gotta go.

CATHERINE
Go?

PIPPIN
Yes, I gotta go.

CATHERINE
Why?

PIPPIN
Because this is not enough.

CATHERINE
Are you sure?

PIPPIN
Yes. I’m sure. And I’m not gonna be stuck doing the same damn thing every day.

CATHERINE
And night?

PIPPIN
Don’t you see there has to be something more than this? There has to be. I know that there is.
Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly

CATHERINE
I loved my husband very much!

PIPPIN
I’ve got to be where my spirit can run free

CATHERINE
And then one day he was struck by. Struck by. I can’t remember my next line. What is it? I’m- Something’s going wrong.

PIPPIN
Gotta find my corner

CATHERINE
It’s not supposed to be like this. Pippin I really want you to stay. I love you, Pippin. I love you.
(Scene change.)

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! (She does not enter.) Where is she?

CATHERINE
Sorry, I couldn’t get my eyelash on…

LEADING PLAYER
It’s okay. We’ll just try it again… Enter Catherine! A lovely, young widow with a large estate.

CATHERINE
When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road like a discarded rag. I would have passed him by.
Perhaps I should’ve passed him by.
But there was something about his foot.
Yes… It was the arch of his foot
that caught my eye.
There he was
He didn’t know where he was
And he looked so lost and exhausted
You’d almost swear he was dead
So I said:
Pick him up, put him to bed
See that he’s bathed and clothed and fed
As I said, how could I fortell
He’d clean up, oh, so very well
Imagine my surprise
When I raised my eyes
And there he was
The man had obviously lost the will to live. So the first thing I had to do was to get him interested in something… something that would restore his faith in life… something like me. Well, I’m sure there are many things you’d like to know about me, aren’t there?

PIPPIN
No.

CATHERINE
Good. My name is Catherine. I’m a widow. I have a son. I own this estate.
I’m your average ordinary kind of woman
Competent and neat
Making life a treat
Others as nice
You meet often I know
At least once or twice
Every lifetime or so

I’m your everyday, customary kind of woman
Practical as salt
Modest to a fault
Conservative with a budget
Liberal with a meal
Just your average ideal

My telling you this
May seem sudden and strange
It may not interest you much at all right now
But things change
Things change
Still I’ll understand if I’m not your kind of woman
Anyone can make
One terrible mistake
But I’ve no special glamour
No bait I can twirl
For I’m just a plain, everyday
Commonplace, come-what-may
Average, ordinary
wonderful girl!

God, what a challenge. I was determined to somehow pierce that dedicated apathy. Now… I’ve always found that no man… no matter his condition… can resist the energy of a growing boy. So, I sent my son Theo to him.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Theo. A lovable boy and his lovable duck.

THEO
Pippin! Pippin! Say hello to my duck.

PIPPIN
How do you do?

THEO
Guess his name.

PIPPIN
Augustus.

THEO
Wrong. His name’s Otto. You’re not very smart.

PIPPIN
I’m smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a bond and not in a bed.

THEO
Bite me.

CATHERINE
Obviously hopeless. I had picked him up off the road. I could throw him back out again. Out he goes. I’ll give him another chance. Pippin, you have been lying in this bed for seven days now. What is the matter with you?

PIPPIN
It’s nothing you could possibly understand.

CATHERINE
Well try me. Give me a chance.

PIPPIN
Alright. I have been searching and searching for something fulfilling and meaningful to do with my life, and I have tried everything I can think of and I haven’t even come close! So I am in utter, abject, complete despair.

CATHERINE
And that’s it?

PIPPIN
Yeah. That’s it.

CATHERINE
You may think that what I did next was a little… underhanded. Pippin, let me tell you something about despair. I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. It’s true, I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise… Well, look at that. I think he’s really moved. Pippin, this is such a large estate. I’m all alone here and I can’t do all this work by myself. Couldn’t you please help me-

LEADING PLAYER
Hold it! Hold it! You’re supposed to read the line naggingly!

CATHERINE
But he touched my hand. They don’t usually do that.

LEADING PLAYER
I don’t care where he puts his hand. Read the line naggingly.

CATHERINE
Pippin, this is such a large estate and I’m all alone here and I couldn’t possibly do all this work by myself. Now, can’t you please help me?!

PIPPIN
Alright, alright! Anything to shut you up!

CATHERINE
Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working. And slowly he became a part of everything. Part of our everyday lives.

PIPPIN
How often do we do this?

LEADING PLAYER
Every day.

PIPPIN
Every day?

ALL
Uh huh.

PIPPIN
Every day. That’s exciting. Did you say something.

CATHERINE
No, no.

PIPPIN
I know that look. That’s the look of a widow, with a song, and a large estate, and no one to sit at the head of the table!

CATHEINE
For a while, Pippin didn’t show much enthusiasm for the work. But, as time went on, he showed no enthusiasm at all.

PIPPIN
Well, what are you looking at?

CATHERINE
Nothing… nothing. Oh, Pippin. There is something. The roof of the chicken house has sprung a leak. If you could get to that tomorrow.

PIPPIN
Wait a minute-

CATHERINE
Or the day after tomorrow.

PIPPIN
The roof on the chicken house?!

Patching the roof and pitching the hay
Is not my idea of a perfect day
When you’re extraordinary
You gotta do extraordinary things

I’m not the type who loses sleep
Over the size of the compost heap
When you’re extraordinary
You think about extraordinary thing

Oh, I once knew a man who lived each day the same
Safe and sane and swell.
And when they told me he died, I didn’t cry.
All I could say was, how could they tell

Oh, looking at life from deep in a rut
May give you a view of the sunshine but
It’s so secondary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary like me

If the floorboards are squeaking
And the door boards are leaking
And the Chimney’s in need of repair
If the garden has brambles and the yard is in shambles
Well I’m terribly sorry
But I don’t care

I’ve got to be someone who lives
All of his life in superlatives
I’m extraordinary
I gotta do extraordinary things

The fact that I’m different is easy to see
so why doesn’t anybody know it but me?
I’m extraordinary
I need to do extraordinary things

every so often a man has a day
He truly can call his
Well, here I am to seize my day
If someone would just tell me when the hell it is

Oh give me my chance, and give me my wings
And don’t make me think about everyday things
They’re unnecessary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary
Like me!

That’s it! I’m leaving. I’m’ getting out!

CATHERINE
And then Theo’s duck got sick.

THEO
Pippin… Pippin, Otto is sick.

PIPPIN
That’s too bad, Theo. I’m sorry.

CATHERINE
Pippin, it’s the first time he’s come to you for help.

THEO
Could you look at him. Please.

CATHERINE
Please, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Theo, I don’t know anything about ducks.

CATHERINE
Pippin. Try.

PIPPIN
Oh, alright. Let me have a look at him.

CATHERINE
Now say something hopeful.

PIPPIN
This is a very sick duck. There’s nothing I can do for him. Oh, Theo, wait a minute. Yes, there is. Come here. Come and kneel down here next to me. Right over here.

CATHERINE
It was like a painting. Man and boy at prayer.

PIPPIN
God, I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but this boy loves this duck…
His breath has ebbed, his pulse is low
His feet are webbed, but even so
You must know
That although our tears are poised to burst
We’ve kept our faith warm through the worst
We haven’t cursed our luck or run amuck
To prayer we’ve stuck
Please reward our…

THEO
Pluck?

PIPPIN
Pluck
And save this duck

CATHERINE
They prayed all day. And then, just after sunset… The duck died.

PIPPIN
I’m sorry, Theo. Wait a minute, Theo! We can go to the pond and get you another duck… Why did the goddam duck have to die?

CATHERINE
Then, an interesting thing happened. Theo plunged himself into monumental despair. While on the other hand, Pippin, that Prince of Despair, dedicated himself to raising the boy’s spirits.

PIPPIN
Theo! Hey, Theo, look, we’re going out to thrash some grain right now and we need another good man. You want to give us a helping hand? Another time maybe…

CATHERINE
But Pippin showed remarkable persistence. When one thing failed he tried another.

PIPPIN
Theo… hey, Theo, look what I’ve got for you. One, two, three, look!
(PIPPIN has a rabbit.)

THEO
That’s not a duck, dumbass.

PIPPIN
Did I say it was a duck? Yeah, go on… you were a flop.

CATHERINE
Well, most men would have given up. But, Pippin, with amazing perseverance tried yet another way.

PIPPIN
Theo, guess what I have for you this time.
(He plays “Corner of the Sky” on a flute. Theo breaks it. CATHERINE kisses PIPPIN. They attempt to have sex. Oops.)
I’m sorry!

CATHERINE
I’m sorry.

PIPPIN
No, no. It was my fault.

CATHERINE
It was my fault. It’s been a long time for me.

PIPPIN
No, no. I just forgot. Oh, you know what I think?

CATHERINE
Yes.

PIPPIN
It’ll be better.

CATHERINE
Next time?

PIPPIN
Next time.
(They attempt to have sex. Success!)

LEADING PLAYER
I think we’re gonna skip part of this. Nothing much really happens. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. A whole lot of that. But the season changed as it always does, and the days were filled with those everyday things. Seeds to be sown, fences to be mended, and finally, of course, a love song to be sung.

PIPPIN
Sitting on the floor and talking till dawn

CATHERINE
Candles and confidences

PIPPIN
Trading old beliefs and humming old songs

CATHERINE
And lowering old defenses

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la

PIPPIN
Private little jokes and silly pet names

CATHERINE
Lavender soap and lotions

PIPPIN
All of the cliches and all of the games

CATHERINE
And all of the strange emotions

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

PIPPIN
They say the whole is greater

BOTH
Than the sum of the parts it’s made of

PIPPIN
Well if it’s true of anything

BOTH
It’s true of love

PIPPIN
‘Cause how can you define a look or a touch?

CATHERINE
How can you weigh a feeling?

PIPPIN
Taken by themselves now they don’t mean much

BOTH
Together they send you reeling

PIPPIN
Into a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

CATHERINE
Close your eyes.

PIPPIN
Why?

CATHERINE
Because we’ve got a surprise for you. Now no peeking.

PIPPIN
I usually don’t like surprises.

CATHERINE
Well you’ll like this one.

PIPPIN
Can I open my eyes, please?

CATHERINE
Yes, no you can. Quince pudding flambe! Oh, I haven’ made it for years, but I thought that for this special occasion.

PIPPIN
What special occasion?

CATHERINE
Well, one year ago today, you arrived here. So Theo and I thought that we would celebrate with a little party. So I made this and Theo made you a new flute.

THEO
Here.
PIPPIN
Oh, Theo. It’s beautiful. Thank you. I don’t know what to say.

CATHERINE
Well, let me say something then. In the year that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flown under the dam-

LEADING PLAYER
Over the dam. Water flows over the dam.

CATHERINE
I’m sorry, I know. I seem to be a little bit confused.

LEADING PLAYER
I can see that. Try sticking to the part.

CATHERINE
I will. In the year that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flowed over the dam. You’ve come to mean a great deal to me… to us. To our very ordinary lives. So, I just want to say for me… for Theo. We’re glad you’re here. And now, well, now we have so many good years ahead of us. Sit here. Sit right here, right at the head of the table. Well, isn’t anybody going to eat my pudding?

THEO
I am!

PIPPIN
I’ve got to get out of here.

CATHERINE
Pippin, what’s the matter?

PIPPIN
I just can’t stay here.

CATHERINE
I don’t understand.

PIPPIN
I’ve got to go.

CATHERINE
Why?

PIPPIN
Because this is not enough. Life is more than ducks that die, and leaking roofs, and flaming quince pudding!

CATHERINE
Are you sure?

PIPPIN
Yes, I’m sure. And I am not gonna be stuck doing the same damn thing every day.

CATHERINE
And night?

PIPPIN
Don’t you see there has to be something more than this? There has to be.

CATHERINE
Maye there isn’t anymore.

PIPPIN
I know there is.
Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I’ve got to be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find my corner…

CATHERINE
I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise… Could you hold the light for a minute, please? Thank you.

I guess I’ll miss the man
Explain it if you can
His face was far from fine

LEADING PLAYER
What are you doing?

CATHERINE
But still I’ll miss his face
And wonder if he’s missing mine.

LEADING PLAYER
You don’t have a song here.

CATHERINE
I do now.
Some days he wouldn’t say
A pleasant word all day
Some days he’d scowl and curse
But there were other days
When he was really even worse

LEADING PLAYER
I really don’t think you should sing anymore.

CATHERINE
Some men are heroes
Some men outshine the sun
Some men are simple, good men
This man wasn’t one
And I won’t miss his moods
His gloomy solitudes
His blunt abrasive style
But please don’t get me wrong
He was the best to come along
In a long, long while….
And the arch of his foot really was in a class by itself.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! (She does not enter.) Enter… Catherine!

CATHERINE
I couldn’t get my eyelash on…

LEADING PLAYER
How many years have you been playing this role?

CATHERINE
I’m sorry, sorry.

LEADING PLAYER
It’s okay. We’ll just do it again… Get out of here!

CATHERINE
Oh, sorry, sorry.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Catherine! A lovely, young widow. A lovely widow.

CATHERINE
When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road. He didn’t know where he was, and he looked so exhausted, and lost…ed. Well the man had obviously lost the will to live. So the first thing that I had to do was to get him interested in something… soemting that would restore his faith in life, something, like me.
So I said:
Pick him up, put him to bed
See that he’s bathed and clothed and fed
As I said, how could I fortell
He’d clean up, oh, so very well
But it was no surprise
When I raised my eyes
And there he was
Well, I’m sure there are many things you’d like to know about me, aren’t there?

PIPPIN
No.

CATHERINE
Good. My name is Catherine. I’m a widow. I have a son. I own this estate.
I’m your average ordinary kind of woman
Competent and neat
Making life a treat
Others as nice
You meet often I know
At least once or twice
Every lifetime or so

I’m your everyday, customary kind of woman
Practical as salt
Modest to a fault
Conservative with a budget
Liberal with a meal
Just your average ideal

My telling you this
May seem sudden and strange
It may not interest you much at all right now
But things change
Things change
Still I’ll understand if I’m not your kind of woman
Anyone can make
One terrible mistake
But I’ve no special glamour
No bait I can twirl
For I’m just a plain, everyday
Commonplace, come-what-may
Average, ordinary
wonderful girl!

THREE WOMEN
What a wonderful girl!

CATHERINE
I love that part. God, what a challenge. I was determined to somehow pierce that dedicated apathy. Now… I’ve always found that no man… no matter his condition… can resist the charm of a small boy. So, I sent my son Theo to him.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Theo. A lovable boy and his lovable duck.

THEO
Pippin! Pippin! Say hello to my duck.

PIPPIN
How do you do?

THEO
Guess his name.

PIPPIN
Augustus.

THEO
Wrong. His name’s Otto. You’re not very smart.

PIPPIN
I’m smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a bond and not in a bed.

THEO
Bite me.

CATHERINE
Pippin, you have been lying in this bed for seven days. Now what is the matter with you?

PIPPIN
Look, it’s nothing you could possibly understand.

CATHERINE
Well try me. Come on! Give me a chance. Come on! Come on!

PIPPIN
Alright. Alright. Fine, I’ll give you a chance.

CATHERINE
Scoot over. Okay, let’s talk.

PIPPIN
I have been searching and searching for something important and fulfilling to do with my life, and I have tried everything I can think of and I haven’t even come close! So I am in utter, abject, complete despair.

CATHERINE
And that’s it?

PIPPIN
Yeah. That’s it.

CATHERINE
Pippin, let me tell you something about despair. I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. It’s true, I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise… Pippin, this is such a large estate. I’m all alone here and I can’t do all this work by myself. Couldn’t you please help me-

LEADING PLAYER
No, no, no! You’re supposed to read the line naggingly!

CATHERINE
I know, but he put his hand on my face. They don’t usually do that.

LEADING PLAYER
I don’t care where he puts his hand. Read the line naggingly.

CATHERINE
Okay…

LEADING PLAYER
Listen, you’re almost too old for this role, so you better watch it. I’ve got my eye on you.

CATHERINE
Pippin, this is such a large estate and I’m all alone here and I couldn’t possibly do all this work by myself. Now, can’t you please help me?!

PIPPIN
Alright, alright! Anything to shut you up!

CATHERINE
Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working. And slowly he became a part of everything. Part of our everyday lives.

PIPPIN
How often do we do this?

LEADING PLAYER
Every day.

PIPPIN
Every day?

ALL
Uh huh.

PIPPIN
Ah, well. Every day. That’s exciting.

CATHERINE
At first, Pippin didn’t show much enthusiasm for the work. But, as time went on, he showed no enthusiasm at all.

PIPPIN
Keep up the good work men! What are you looking at?

CATHERINE
Nothing… nothing. Oh, Pippin. There is something. The roof of the chicken house has sprung a leak. If you could get to that tomorrow.

PIPPIN
Okay, wait a minute-

CATHERINE
And the field needs plowing, and the chimney needs bricks and the pigsty is, well. It’s uh, it’s a sty. Thank you, thank you, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks a lot, thank you.

PIPPIN
I know that look. That’s the look of a widow, with a song, and a large estate, and no on eto sit at the head of the table! But that’s not me!

CHICKEN
Bwok?

PIPPIN
Hey!

CHICKEN
Bwok, bwok!

PIPPIN
You hear me? I said it’s not me!

Patching the roof and pitching the hay
Is not my idea of a perfect day
When you’re extraordinary
You gotta do extraordinary things

I’m not the type who loses sleep
Over the size of the compost heap
When you’re extraordinary
You think about extraordinary thing

Oh, I once knew a man who lived each day the same
Safe and sane and swell.
And when they told me he died, I didn’t cry.
All I could say was, how could they tell

Oh, looking at life from deep in a rut
May give you a view of the sunshine but
It’s so secondary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary like me

If the floorboards are squeaking
And the door boards are leaking
And the Chimney’s in need of repair
If the garden has brambles and the yard is in shambles
Well I’m terribly sorry
But I don’t care

I’ve got to be someone who lives
All of his life in superlatives
I’m extraordinary
I gotta do extraordinary things

The fact that I’m different is easy to see
so why doesn’t anybody know it but me?
I’m extraordinary
I need to do extraordinary things

Oh give me my chance, and give me my wings
And don’t make me think about everyday things
They’re unnecessary
To someone who is very
Extraordinary
Like me!

That’s it! I’m leaving. I’m’ outta here…

CATHERINE
And then Theo’s duck got sick.

THEO
Pippin… Pippin, Otto is sick.

PIPPIN
That’s too bad, Theo. I’m sorry.

CATHERINE
Pippin, it’s the first time he’s come to you for help.

THEO
Could you look at him. Please.

CATHERINE
Please, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Theo, I don’t know anything about ducks.

CATHERINE
Please, Pippin. Try.

PIPPIN
Alright, fine. I’ll take a look at him.

CATHERINE
Now say something hopeful.

PIPPIN
Theo, This is a very sick duck. There’s nothing I can do for him. Oh, wait Theo, wait. Come here. Uh, kneel down here next to me. Right over here.

CATHERINE
It was like a painting. Man and boy and duck at prayer.

PIPPIN
His breath has ebbed, his pulse is low
His feet are webbed, but even so
You must know
That although our tears are poised to burst
We’ve kept our faith warm through the worst
We haven’t cursed our luck or run amuck
To prayer we’ve stuck
Please reward our…

THEO
Pluck?

PIPPIN
Pluck

BOTH
And save this duck

PLAYERS
OH…

CATHERINE
They prayed all day. And then, just after sunset… The duck died.

PIPPIN
Theo, I’m so sorry. Theo, wait. Wait, Theo! Look, why don’t we just go down to the pond and get you another duck… Why did the goddam duck have to die?

CATHERINE
Then, an interesting thing happened. Theo plunged himself into monumental despair. While Pippin, that Prince of Despair, dedicated himself to raising the boy’s spirits.

PIPPIN
Theo! Hey, Theo, look, we’re going out to thrash some grain right now and we need another good man. Another time maybe…

CATHERINE
But Pippin showed remarkable persistence. When one thing failed he tried another.

PIPPIN
Theo… hey, Theo, look what I’ve made for you. Listen! Listen to this!
(He plays “Corner of the Sky” on a flute.)
If you want, I can teach you how to-

CATHERINE
Well, most men would have given up. But, Pippin, with amazing perseverance tried yet another way.

PIPPIN
Hey, Theo! Theo, you are not gonna believe what I got for you. Turn around, when I coudnt to three you can look, okay? One, two, three, look!
(PIPPIN has a dog.)

THEO
That’s not a duck, dumbass.

PIPPIN
Did I say it was a duck? Aw, you were a flop.
(CATHERINE kisses PIPPIN. They attempt to have sex. Oops.)
Sorry!

CATHERINE
Sorry.

PIPPIN
No. that was my fault.

CATHERINE
No, no, no, no, no. It was my fault. It’s been a long time for me.

PIPPIN
I think… It’ll be better.

CATHERINE
Next time?

PIPPIN
Next time.
(They attempt to have sex. Success!)

LEADING PLAYER
I think we’re gonna skip part of this. Nothing much really happens. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. A whole lot of that. But the season changed as it always does, and the days were filled with those everyday things. Seeds to be sown, fences to be mended, and finally, of course, a love song to be sung.

PIPPIN
Sitting on the floor and talking till dawn

CATHERINE
Candles and confidences

PIPPIN
Trading old beliefs and humming old songs

CATHERINE
And lowering old defenses

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la

PIPPIN
Private little jokes and silly pet names

CATHERINE
Lavender soap and lotions

PIPPIN
All of the cliches and all of the games

CATHERINE
And all of the strange emotions

PIPPIN
Singing a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

PIPPIN
They say the whole is greater

BOTH
Than the sum of the parts it’s made of

PIPPIN
Well if it’s true of anything

BOTH
It’s true of love

PIPPIN
‘Cause how can you define a look or a touch?

CATHERINE
How can you weigh a feeling?

PIPPIN
Taken by themselves now they don’t mean much

BOTH
Together they send you reeling

PIPPIN
Into a

BOTH
Love song– La la la la la la la la la la
Love song– La la la la la

CATHERINE
Close your eyes.

PIPPIN
Why?

CATHERINE
Because we’ve got a surprise for you.

THEO
We’ve got a surprise!

CATHERINE AND THEO
We’ve got a surprise!

PIPPIN
I usually don’t like surprises.

CATHERINE
Well you’ll like this one. You can look now! Quince pudding flambe! Oh, I haven’ made it for years, but I thought that for this special occasion.

PIPPIN
Oh, uh. What special occasion?

CATHERINE
Well, one year ago today, you arrived here. So Theo and I thought that we would celebrate with a little party. So I made this and Theo made you a new flute.

PIPPIN
Oh, Theo. Thank you. It’s beautiful. I don’t know what to say.

CATHERINE
Well, let me say something then. In the year that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flown under the dam-

LEADING PLAYER
Over the dam. Water flows over the dam.

CATHERINE
I know. I’m sorry. I seem to be a little bit confused.

LEADING PLAYER
Oh, I can see that. Try sticking to the part.

CATHERINE
I will. In the year that you’ve been with us, a lot of water has flowed over the dam. You’ve come to mean a great deal to me… to us. To our very ordinary lives. So, I just want to say for me… for Theo. We’re glad you’re here. And now, well, now we have so many good years ahead of us. Sit here. Sit right here, right at the head of the table. Well, isn’t anybody going to eat my pudding?

THEO
I am!

PIPPIN
I can’t stay here.

CATHERINE
Pippin-

PIPPIN
I’m sorry. I have to go.

CATHERINE
Why?

PIPPIN
Because this is not enough. Life is more than ducks that die, and leaking roofs, and flaming quince pudding!

CATHERINE
Are you sure?

PIPPIN
I am not gonna be stuck doing the same damn thing every day.

CATHERINE
And night?

PIPPIN
Don’t you see there has to be something more than this? There has to be.

CATHERINE
Maye there isn’t anymore.

PIPPIN
I know there is.
Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I’ve got to be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find my corner…

CATHERINE
I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever. And when his hand went cold in mind, I felt my life, too, was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise… Shit! Could you hold the light for a minute? Come on. Could you hold the light for a minute, please? Thanks.

I guess I’ll miss the man
Explain it if you can
His face was far from fine

LEADING PLAYER
What are you doing?

CATHERINE
But still I’ll miss his face
And wonder if he’s missing mine.

LEADING PLAYER
You don’t have a song here.

CATHERINE
I do now.
Some days he wouldn’t say
A pleasant word all day
Some days he’d scowl and curse
But there were other days
When he was really even worse

LEADING PLAYER
I really don’t think you should sing anymore.

CATHERINE
Some men are heroes
Some men outshine the sun
Some men are simple, good men
This man wasn’t one
And I won’t miss his moods
His gloomy solitudes
His blunt abrasive style
But please don’t get me wrong
He was the best to come along
In a long, long while…


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