Scene 2

Full ScriptsScene 1 | Scene 2 | Scene 3 | Scene 4 | Scene 5 | Scene 6 | Scene 7 | Scene 8

1972 1981 2000 2013
PIPPIN
The first day I was home from Padua I tried to get an audience with my father, but they told me he was too busy. The second day I tried to speak with him at dinner, but he was too drunk. The third day, today, he came to visit me.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Charlemagne.

CHARLES
This part is to be played by an actor of enormous power.

LEADING PLAYER
A giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.

CHARLES
Oh, thank you so much.

LEADING PLAYER
You’re welcome.

CHARLES
Good morning.

PIPPIN
Good morning, sir.

CHARLES
Well, welcome home son.

PIPPIN
Father, I wanted to talk with you so baldly.

CHARLES
Well, talk. Talk. Yes, talking is good. Hello son.

PIPPIN
Hello.

CHARLES
You look thinner.

PIPPIN
Yes, I know.

CHARLES
So son-

PIPPIN
So?

CHARLES
Last night didn’t you miss dinner?

PIPPIN
No father, I was right there, but you were drinking.

CHARLES
Oh yes, so you were I remember, I always remember. Now, tell me, how did things go with you in Padua?

PIPPIN
Not very well sir, some of my tutors-

CHARLES
Good… good. I’m a great believer in·e11ucation.

PIPPIN
And yet you have become the most powerful man in the world without it.

CHARLES
The most powerful man in the world? Oh, Pippin, don’t exaggerate. What about the Pope?

PIPPIN
I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.

CHARLES
Well, I happen to agree with you.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Lewis! Pippin’s half-brother. Offspring of Charles and Fastrada and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting. Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.

LEWIS
Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

PIPPIN
Well done, brother.

LEWIS
Well done? Ha! That was magnificent. Well done? Did you know this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And it’s going. to slay even more Visigoths. Right father?

CHARLES
Why do I always get nauseous when he calls me father?

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Fastrada. Pippin’s step-mother. Devious, crafty, cunning, un-trustworthy, but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gain the throne for her darling son, Lewis.

FASTRADA
Yoo-hoo. Lewis, guess what mommy has for you? Surprise!

LEWIS
Oh thank you, mother! Look at this. Isn’t it a beauty?

PIPPIN
It really is beautiful.

LEWIS
Look how I shine! Hah! Visigoths. Hah! Hah!

FASTRADA
Oh, we’re so proud of Lewis. Aren’t we dear? Oh, my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I’ve over­drawn my allowance account.

CHARLES
You’re overdrawn again?

FASTRADA
Now, now, my lord, don’t be angry with me. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I am just an ordinary housewife and mother…just like all you housewives and mothers out there.

CHARLES
You know, sometimes I wonder if the fornicating I’m get is worth the fornicating I’m getting. Well, son now we can have our little chat. Come. How have things been going with you?

PIPPIN
Well, sir not very well.

CHARLES
Welcome home son.

PIPPIN
Father.

CHARLES
Welcome home.
I’m so glad to hear there’s nothing wrong.
Welcome home son, glad you’re home.
Will you be staying long?

PIPPIN
Well sir, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to ask you-

CHARLES
Welcome home son, welcome home.
I’ve got to go it’s almost noon.

PIPPIN
But father, I wanted to ask you something. Father!

CHARLES
Welcome home son, glad your home.
We’ll talk again soon.

LEADING PLAYER
Preparations for the Visigoth campaign were reaching a peak. Marksmen tested their bows and arrows. Swordsmen tested themselves against each other. The panoply of war was being assembled. The sights. The sounds of glory were in the air.

SOLDIERS
Glory!

PIPPIN
Glory’s in the air! Glory’s in the air! And what am I doing? I’m running around on a dark stage like an idiot.

SOLDIER
Your sword sir. Oh, excuse me, I thought you were a warrior.

PIPPIN
No, no, no. I’ll keep it.

SOLDIER
You’re not one of us.

PIPPIN
I’m Prince Pippin.

SOLDIER
Who?

PIPPIN
Prince Pippin. One day I’ll be King.

SOLDIER
And one day I’ll be Queen.

PIPPIN
Hah! Visigoth! I think I better talk to my father.

PLAYER
The royal court of Charles the Great, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

CHARLES
And a giant in the bedroom.

PLAYER
And a giant in the bedroom- is prepared to hear petitions.

BARON
Oh, greater leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven to protect us from the infidels.

CHARLES
Oh, what is it?

BARON
I beseech you to reduce my levy of foot soldiers, cattle and wheat. Due to a famine…

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But, sire, that is unjust and tyrannical. Oops…

CHARLES
Take that man away and hang him!

BARON
Charlie! You are a tyrant.

CHARLES
Next.

PETITIONERS
Oh, great leader, blessed by God, sent to us-

CHARLES
Oh not that bullshit again. Out. Out! Everybody out. Council is dismissed.

PIPPIN
Wait, father!

CHARLES
Yes?

PIPPIN
I know what I want to do now.

CHARLES
Good. Good.

PIPPIN
I want to be a soldier.

CHARLES
What?

PIPPIN
I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths.

CHARLES
Denied.

PIPPIN
But that’s not fair.

CHARLES
To an Emperor, fairness is irrelevant.

PIPPIN
But you’re taking Lewis.

CHARLES
Yes. Your brother Lewis is an ideal soldier. He is strong and stupid. You on the other hand are educated.

PIPPIN
Father, I have to talk to you.

CHARLES
I am busy.

PIPPIN
You’re always either busy or drunk.

CHARLES
Or suffering the insults of ungrateful offspring.

PIPPIN
I’m sorry, father.

CHARLES
Oh, very well, go ahead. I’m listening.

PIPPIN
Well, sir. I’m your eldest son. I’m your heir. That means I’m going to be King someday and fighting wars is an important part of being King isn’t it?

CHARLES
Fighting wars is the most important part of being King. I mean, the pope and I have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world. Even if we have to kill every non-believer to do it.

PIPPIN
Well, that’s what I’m talking about, sir. You’re dedicated to something and I just want to be dedicated to something, too. With all my heart and all my soul and whatever it is, I want to do it as well as I possibly can.

LEADING PLAYER
That’s a nice thought.

PIPPIN
Thank you.

LEADING PLAYER
You’re welcome.

PIPPIN
Otherwise my life won’t have any meaning at all.

CHARLES
So you want your life to have meaning, do you?

PIPPIN
Yes, I do.

CHARLES
That’s very ambitious of you, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Father, stop all this bullshit and take me with you.

CHARLES
Well, that’s more like it. Get yourself a decent helmet and come along.

PIPPIN
I’m a soldier?

LEADING PLAYER
Right.

PIPPIN
Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be a part of something important. A chance to use my sword. And my arm and maybe even my blood.

PLAYER
Blood

PLAYER
Glory.

PIPPIN
The first day I was home from Padua my father sent me a horse. The second day he sent me a falcon. The third day I went hunting. And on the fourth day, my father finally came himself.
(There is a flash of fire and Charlemagne appears.)

LEADING PLAYER
Enter… Charlemagne.

CHARLES
This part is to be played by an actor of enormous power.

LEADING PLAYER
A giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.

CHARLES
Oh, thank you so much.

LEADING PLAYER
You’re welcome.

CHARLES
Good morning.

PIPPIN
Good morning, sir.
(Charles opens his arms to PIPPIN and they embrace.)

CHARLES
Well, welcome home son.
Hello, son.

PIPPIN
Hello.

CHARLES
You look thinner.

PIPPIN
I know.

CHARLES
So son-

PIPPIN
So?

CHARLES
Last night didn’t you miss dinner?

PIPPIN
No.

CHARLES
Oh. Well, how did things go in Padua?

PIPPIN
Very well sir, some of my tutors-

CHARLES
Good… good. I’m a great believer in education.
PIPPIN
And yet you have become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES The most powerful man in the world? Oh, Pippin, don’t exaggerate. What about the Pope?
PIPPIN
I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.

CHARLES
Well, I happen to agree with you. But the world I grew up in was simpler. The sword solved every problem. Tomorrow is for you.

PIPPIN
But it’s still today.

CHARLES
But for how long? Pippin, sunrise and sunset are similar, but not identical.
LEADING PLAYER
Enter Lewis! Pippin’s half-brother…and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting. Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.

LEWIS
Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

PIPPIN
Well done, brother.

LEWIS
Well done? Ha! That was magnificent. Did you know this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And it’s going to slay even more Visigoths.

CHARLES
You mean you’re going to war against the Visigoths?

LEWIS
Uh hu. That’s the next one. It’s going to be a glorious campaign. And oh- those Visigoth women. I don’t mean to shock your bookish sensibilities.

PIPPIN
I’m only shocked that you’re interested in women now.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Fastrada. Pippin’s step-mother. Devious, crafty, cunning, un-trustworthy, but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gain the throne for her darling son, Lewis.

FASTRADA
Lewis! Lewis, guess what mommy has for you? Surprise!

LEWIS
Oh thank you, mother! Look at this. Isn’t it a beauty?

PIPPIN
It really is beautiful.

FASTRADA
Welcome home, Pippin. (Blowing a kiss to Charles.) My darling.

LEWIS
Can you imagine how I’ll shine in the sun?

FASTRADA
Darling, you look beautiful. Doesn’t he, Charles? Oh, Pippin, stand up straight. Didn’t they teach you posture at Padua?

PIPPIN
I failed posture.

FASTRADA
Notice how Lewis stands…

PIPPIN
Oh, yes, he’s a real straightstander… no question about that.

LEWIS
Look how I shine! Hah! Visigoths.

FASTRADA
We’re so proud of Lewis. Aren’t we dear? Oh, my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I’ve over­drawn my allowance account.

CHARLES
You’re overdrawn again?

FASTRADA
Now, now, my lord, don’t be angry with me. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I am just an ordinary housewife and mother…just like all you housewives and mothers out there.

CHARLES
You know, sometimes I wonder if the fornicating I’m get is worth the fornicating I’m getting. Well, son now we can have our talk. How’ve things been going with you?

PIPPIN
Well, sir not very well. Father, there were a lot of…

CHARLES
Welcome home, son. Welcome home.
I’m so glad to hear there’s nothing wrong.
Welcome home son, glad you’re home.
Will you be staying long?

PIPPIN
Well. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Father. I wanted to ask you-

CHARLES
Welcome home son, welcome home.
Well, I’ve got to go it’s almost noon.

PIPPIN
But father…

CHARLES
Welcome home son, glad your home.
We’ll talk again soon.

Keep busy while you’re here. Why don’t you take that falcon and horse I gave you and go hunting?

PIPPIN
Good idea. Thank you, sir.

CHARLES
Oh, Pippin…

PIPPIN
Yes, sir?

CHARLES
One more thought I would impart is
I may blush but I’ll be frank

PIPPIN
Do, sir

CHARLES
Home is where the heart is.

Why did I say that?

PIPPIN
Thank you, sir.

Why did he say that?
(Charles goes.)
The preparations for the Visigoth campaign were reaching a peak. Marksmen tested themselves against the butts. Swordsmen tested themselves against each other. The panoply of war was being assembled. The sights. The sounds of glory were in the air.

SOLDIERS
Glory!

PIPPIN
Glory’s in the air! And what am I doing? Nothing.

LEADING PLAYER
Your sword sir. Oh, excuse me, I thought you were a warrior.

PIPPIN
No, no, no, wait. I’ll keep it.

SOLDIER
But you’re not one of us.

PIPPIN
I’m Prince Pippin.

SOLDIER
Who?

PIPPIN
Prince Pippin. One day I will be King.

SOLDIER
Oh.

PIPPIN
Hah! Visigoth! I think I better talk to my father.

PLAYER
The royal court of Charles the Great, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

CHARLES
And a giant in the bedroom.

PLAYER
And a giant in the bedroom- is prepared to hear petitions.

BARON
Oh, greater leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven to protect us from the infidels.

CHARLES
Oh, what is it?

BARON
I beseech you to reduce my levy of footsoldiers, cattle and wheat. Due to a famine…

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But, sire, my cattle are dying and my fields are barren…

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But sire, that is unjust and tyrannical. I object-

CHARLES
Take that man away and hang him! Next.

PETITIONERS
Oh, great leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven-

CHARLES
Oh no. Not that bullshit again. Out. Out! Everybody out. Council is dismissed.

PIPPIN
Wait, father!

CHARLES
Yes?

PIPPIN
I know what I want to do now.

CHARLES
Good. Good.

PIPPIN
I want to be a soldier.

CHARLES
What?

PIPPIN
Yes, I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths.

CHARLES
Denied.

PIPPIN
But that’s not fair.

CHARLES
To an Emperor, fairness is irrelevant.

PIPPIN
You’re taking Lewis.

CHARLES
Yes, well. Your brother Lewis is an ideal soldier. He is strong and stupid. You on the other hand are educated.

PIPPIN
But, I’m your eldest son. That means I might be King one day. Fighting wars is an important part of being King isn’t it?

CHARLES
Fighting wars is the most important part of being King. I mean, the Pope and I have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world…

PIPPIN
Well, that’s what I’m talking about, sir. You’re dedicated to something and I just want to be dedicated to something, too. With all my heart and all my soul and whatever it is, I want to do it as well as I possibly can. Otherwise my life won’t have any meaning at all.

CHARLES
Oh, you want your life to have meaning, do you?

PIPPIN
Yes, I do.

CHARLES
Well, that’s very ambitious of you, Pippin.

PIPPIN
Father, stop all this bullshit and take me with you.

CHARLES
Oh, ho ho. Very well then. Get yourself a decent helmet and come along.

PIPPIN
I’m a soldier?

LEADING PLAYER
Right.

PIPPIN
Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be a part of something important. A chance to use my sword. And my arm and maybe even my blood.

PLAYER
Glory!

PLAYER
Glory!

PIPPIN
The first day I was home from Padua my father sent me a horse. The second day he sent me a falcon. The third day I went hunting. And on the fourth day, my father finally came himself.
(There is a flash of fire and Charlemagne appears.)

LEADING PLAYER
Enter… Charlemagne.

CHARLES
This part is to be played by an actor of enormous power.

LEADING PLAYER
A giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.

CHARLES
Oh, thank you so much. (To PIPPIN) Good morning.

PIPPIN
Good morning, sir.
(Charles opens his arms to PIPPIN and they embrace.)

CHARLES
Well, welcome home son… well…
Hello, son.

PIPPIN
Hello.

CHARLES
You look thinner.

PIPPIN
I know.

CHARLES
So son-

PIPPIN
So?

CHARLES
Uh… Last night didn’t you miss dinner?

PIPPIN
No.

CHARLES
Oh. Well, how did things go in Padua?

PIPPIN
Very well sir, some of my tutors-

CHARLES
Good… good. I’m a great believer in education.
PIPPIN
And yet you have become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES The most powerful man in the world? Oh, Pippin, don’t exaggerate. What about the Pope?
PIPPIN
I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.

CHARLES
I happen to agree with you. But the world I grew up in was simpler. The sword solved every problem. Tomorrow is for you.

PIPPIN
But it’s still today.

CHARLES
But for how long? Pippin, sunrise and sunset are similar, but not identical.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Lewis! Pippin’s half-brother…and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting. Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.

LEWIS
Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!

PIPPIN
Well done, brother.

LEWIS
Well done? Ha! That was magnificent. Did you know this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And it’s going to slay even more Visigoths.

CHARLES
You mean you’re going to war against the Visigoths?

LEWIS
Uh huh. That’s the next one. It’s going to be a glorious campaign. And oh- those Visigoth women. I don’t mean to shock your bookish sensibilities.

PIPPIN
I’m only shocked that you’re interested in women now.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Fastrada. Pippin’s step-mother. Devious, crafty, cunning, un-trustworthy, but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gain the throne for her darling son, Lewis.

FASTRADA
Lewis! Lewis, guess what mommy has for you? Surprise!

LEWIS
Oh thank you, mother! Look at this. Isn’t it a beauty?

PIPPIN
It really is beautiful.

FASTRADA
Welcome home, Pippin. (Blowing a kiss to Charles.) My darling.

LEWIS
Can you imagine how I’ll shine in the sun?

FASTRADA
Darling, you look beautiful. Doesn’t he, Charles? Oh, Pippin, stand up straight. Didn’t they teach you posture at Padua?

PIPPIN
I failed posture.

FASTRADA
Notice how straight Lewis stands…

PIPPIN
Oh, yes, he’s a real straightstander… no question about that.

LEWIS
Look how I shine! Hah! Visigoths.

FASTRADA
We’re so proud of Lewis. Aren’t we dear? Oh, my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I’ve over­drawn my allowance account.

CHARLES
You’re overdrawn again?

FASTRADA
Now, now, my lord, don’t be angry with me. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I am just an ordinary housewife and mother…just like all you housewives and mothers out there.

CHARLES
You know, sometimes I wonder if the fornicating I’m get is worth the fornicating I’m getting. Well, son now we can have our talk. How’ve things been going with you?

PIPPIN
Well, not very well. Father, there were a lot of…

CHARLES
Welcome home, son. Welcome home.
I’m so glad to hear there’s nothing wrong.
Welcome home son, glad you’re home.
Will you be staying long?

PIPPIN
Well. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Father. I wanted to ask you-

CHARLES
Welcome home son, glad you’re home.
Well, I’ve got to go it’s almost noon.

PIPPIN
But father…

CHARLES
Welcome home son, glad your home.
We’ll talk again soon.

Keep busy while you’re here. Why don’t you take that falcon and horse I gave you and go hunting?

PIPPIN
Good idea. Thank you, sir.

CHARLES
Oh, Pippin…

PIPPIN
Yes, sir?

CHARLES
One more thought I would impart is
I may blush but I’ll be frank

PIPPIN
Do, sir

CHARLES
Home is where the heart is.

PIPPIN
Thank you, sir.

(Charles goes.)
The preparations for the Visigoth campaign were reaching a peak. Marksmen tested themselves against the butts. Swordsmen tested themselves against each other.

LEWIS
Oops! My bad!

PIPPIN
The panoply of war was being assembled. The sights and sounds of glory were in the air.

SOLDIERS
Glory!

PIPPIN
And what am I doing? Nothing.

LEADING PLAYER
Your sword sir. Oh, excuse me, I thought you were a warrior.

PIPPIN
No, no, no, wait. I’ll keep it.

SOLDIER
But you’re not one of us.

PIPPIN
I’m Prince Pippin.

SOLDIER
Who?

PIPPIN
Prince Pippin. One day I will be King.

SOLDIER
You don’t say.

PIPPIN
I think I’m going to talk to my father.

PLAYER
The royal court of Charles the Great, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.

CHARLES
And a giant in the bedroom.

PLAYER
And a giant in the bedroom- is prepared to hear petitions.

BARON
Oh, greater leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven to protect us from the infidels.

CHARLES
Oh, what is it?

BARON
I beseech you to reduce my levy of footsoldiers, cattle and wheat. Due to a famine…

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But, sire, my cattle are dying and my fields are barren…

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But sire, that is unjust and tyrannical. I object-

CHARLES
Take that man away and hang him! Next.

PETITIONERS
Oh, great leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven-

CHARLES
Oh no. Not that bullshit again. Out. Out! Everybody out. Council is dismissed.

PIPPIN
Wait, father!

CHARLES
Yes?

PIPPIN
I know what I want to do now.

CHARLES
Good. Good.

PIPPIN
I want to be a soldier.

CHARLES
What!

PIPPIN
Yes, I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths.

CHARLES
Denied.

PIPPIN
But that’s not fair. You’re taking Lewis.

CHARLES
Yes, well. Your brother Lewis is an ideal soldier. He is strong and stupid. You on the other hand are educated.

PIPPIN
But, I’m your eldest son. That means I might be King one day. Fighting wars is an important part of being King isn’t it?

CHARLES
Fighting wars is the most important part of being King. I mean, the Pope and I have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world… even if we have to kill every non-believer to do it.

PIPPIN
Well, that’s what I’m talking about, sir. You’re dedicated to something and I just want to be dedicated to something, too. With all my heart and all my soul and whatever it is, I want to do it as well as I possibly can. Otherwise my life won’t have any meaning at all.

CHARLES
Oh, you want your life to have meaning, do you?

PIPPIN
Yes, I do.

CHARLES
Well, that’s very ambitious of you, Pippin. Denied.

PIPPIN
Goodbye, father.

CHARLES
Where are you going?

PIPPIN
I’ll find myself another war…

CHARLES
Pippin, stop. You’re determined to do this, aren’t you?

PIPPIN
Absolutely.

CHARLES
Very well then. Get yourself a decent helmet and come along.

PIPPIN
I’m a soldier?

LEADING PLAYER
Don’t cut yourself.

PIPPIN
Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be a part of something important. A chance to use my sword. And my arm and maybe even my blood.

PLAYER
Glory!

PLAYER
Glory!

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Charlemagne.

CHARLES
This part is to be played by an actor of enormous power.

TREASURER
Power, power, power…

LEADING PLAYER
We join Charlemagne in the midst of his royal council. It’s been a long day.

FIRST NOBLE
And that is why, sire, I humbly beseech you to reduce-

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

SECOND NOBLE
Oh great leader, blessed by God, sent from heaven to protect-

CHARLES
Oh not that bullshit again. What is it?

SECOND NOBLE
Sire, due to famine our fields are barren-

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

SECOND NOBLE
Sire-

CHARLES
Denied. Next.

BARON
But I protest! This is unjust and tyrannical.

CHARLES
Take that man away and hang him! Out! Out! Out! Everybody out!

PIPPIN
No! Wait, sire!

CHARLES
I said everybody out!

PIPPIN
Father, it’s me!

CHARLES
What?

PIPPIN
Pippin.

CHARLES
Pippin? Pippin! Ha ha ha! My boy! But wait! What are you doing here?

PIPPIN
I’m home! I finished school.

CHARLES
Oh! Oh, really? Well how did it go?

PIPPIN
Oh! Very well, very well, my tutors are so impressed! I-

CHARLES
Oh! Good, good, good, cause I’m a great believer in education.

PIPPIN
And yet you have become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES Oh p’shaw, Pippin. The most powerful man in the world? What about the Pope?

PIPPIN
Oh, sir. I rank you ahead of the Pope.

CHARLES
I happen to agree with you. It’s good to see you Pippin.

PIPPIN
Oh, uh, wait father; I just have one more thing to-

CHARLES
Oh! Oh! Oh! You know, we have a library now. Perhaps you could find a book-

PIPPIN
Thank you, I-

CHARLES
Because, you know, tomorrow is for you!

PIPPIN
But it’s still today!

CHARLES
Yes, but for how long? Because you see Pip- Because you see Pippin, sunrise and sunset are similar, but they are not identical.

PIPPIN
Wait, father, what does that even mean-

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Lewis! Pippin’s half-brother and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting.

LEWIS
Take it, take it!

LEADING PLAYER
Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.
(LEWIS stabs a PLAYER)

PIPPIN
Well done, brother.

LEWIS
Of course it was! Did you know this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And it’s going. to slay even more Visigoths.

CHARLES
Wait, you’re going to war against the Visigoths?

LEWIS
Uh huh. That’s the next one. It’s going to be a glorious campaign and- oh, those Visigoth women. Oh, I don’t mean to shock your bookish sensibilities.

PIPPIN
Oh, no no! I’m just shocked that you’re interested in women now.

LEADING PLAYER
Enter Fastrada. Pippin’s step-mother. Crafty, cunning, calculating, but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gain the throne for her darling son, Lewis.

FASTRADA
Lewis, guess what mommy has for you? Surprise!

LEWIS
Oh thank you, mother! Think how I’ll shine! Hey! Look at this! Isn’t it a beauty?

PIPPIN
Oh, yeah. Yeah! It really is beautiful.

FASTRADA
Of course it’s beautiful! Lewis is a great warrior!

LEWIS
Hah! Hah! Hah! Visigoths.

FASTRADA
We’re so proud of Lewis. Aren’t we dear?

CHARLES
Yeah, I don’t know about that.

FASTRADA
Oh, my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I’ve somehow over­drawn my allowance account.

CHARLES
You’re overdrawn again?

FASTRADA
Now, now, my lord. You know how confused I get about money.

CHARLES
I know.

FASTRADA
After all, I am just an ordinary housewife and mother

CHARLES
I know.

FASTRADA
Just like all you housewives and mothers out there.

CHARLES
You know, sometimes I wonder if the fornicating I’m get is worth the fornicating I’m getting.

PIPPIN
Father, wait!

CHARLES
Yes?

PIPPIN
I know what I want to do!

CHARLES
Good. Oh good, good, good. What?

PIPPIN
I want to be a soldier.

CHARLES
Hahaha! Denied.

PIPPIN
Father, I’m your only son.

CHARLES
Yes.

PIPPIN
Well, that means I’ll be king one day.

CHARLES
Yes.

And fighting wars is an important part of being King.

CHARLES
Fighting wars is the most important part of being King. After all, the pope and I have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world. Even if we have to kill every non-believer to do it.

PIPPIN
Exactly. So I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths!

CHARLES
Denied.

PIPPIN
That’s not fair! You’re taking Lewis.

CHARLES
Lewis is an ideal warrior. He’s fearless…and stupid. But you, Pippin, you! You’re educated.

PIPPIN
Oh, and for what? Look father, you’re dedicated to something, and I just want to be dedicated to something too. Otherwise my life will have no meaning at all. Oh, you want

CHARLES
So you want your life to have meaning. That’s very ambitious of you Pippin. Denied.

PIPPIN
But father, you-

CHARLES
Denied.

PIPPIN
Father-

CHARLES
Hmph.

PIPPIN
Father, you created this entire kingdom out of nothing, and now all I’m asking for is my chance. My chance to fight for my country, for my family, for my king.

CHARLES
Oh… You get yourself a decent helmet and you come along!

PIPPIN
I’m a soldier?

LEADING PLAYER
Yes! You are!

PIPPIN
Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be a part of something important. A chance to use my sword. And my arm and maybe even my blood.


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